Never Meet your Heroes

Never Meet your Heroes

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

You know that saying "never meet your heroes" the one that is supposed to show you that we are all human and we all have flaws and that placing people on pedestals can only end in disappointment? I think we need to update it for 2018.

Social media is a wonderful tool, one that I genuinely enjoy using, it opens the world up way wider than I ever thought possible as a young girl who grew up with Encarta discs as my only "internet". It brings people together, and puts the world's knowledge at our fingertips, and even in our pockets-and it allows you a glimpse into the lives of your so called heroes. All of these things sound wonderful, until you realise that a person you have admired for years is not a person you could actually like in real life.

I could go on and on about the countless actors, bigwigs, and celebrities who for whatever reason have attracted admiration only to turn out to be the absolute worst kinds of people- in fact I'll mention the fact that I went to college and university chasing a dream based on the job of a man who turned out to not just be a dick, but also an actual, bona fide, (and later, convicted) sexual predator-it leaves a horrible taste in the mouth, and genuinely left me hating the idea of following in his footsteps. But this post isn't about the insidiousness of predatory men, or the systems that allow them to perpetuate their crimes. This is about following someone on twitter, and admiring their work, and being grateful to them only to find that you disagree so fundamentally on the things that mean the most to you.

You're Beautiful?

You're Beautiful?

Friday, August 04, 2017

It occurred to me the other day that the word "beautiful" makes me uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong though, when my partner, or in fact my mother, say it I can kind of stand it- they are biased, they have to appreciate my "beauty" and they really know me. But when a stranger says it, it feels different somehow. Almost like my brain tries to fit my image of myself into the image of what society deems beautiful.

Vote Vote Vote!

Vote Vote Vote!

Thursday, June 08, 2017

Today we stand on the precipice of yet another chance to vote. Yet another chance to make our voices heard. Yet another opportunity for us to be disappointed, or elated.

I'll be honest with you- I'm a bit tired. I'm tired of all the arguing, I'm tired of the biggest voices not being used, or being used in the wrong way. I'm tired of the lies, The Daily Mail, The Sun, and if I'm being completely honest, I'm tired of being on the losing team!! 

I was so excited to vote in the Independence Referendum- then my heart broke when I realised we'd lost. 

I was so excited to vote in the EU Referendum- then my heart broke when I realised we'd lost.

I was also really excited to vote in the recent local council elections- not just because my friend was a candidate, but because our city needed a change. But then my heart broke all over again when I realised that we'd lost AGAIN!

I keep voting, and I keep having my heart broken BUT the most important part of that sentence is that I KEEP VOTING! In spite of every loss I keep traipsing along to that wee church (which is so much further away from my flat that it looks on the map 😂) and I keep placing my vote. 

Voting is the KEY to a better future-use it! (or this was last minute I had no relevant photos haha)

The right to vote is so important! The chance to have your say, the chance to make a difference- it's all right there in front of you and all you have to do is make an X in a box. That's literally all you have to do. It was less than 100 years ago that women were chaining themselves to railings, and throwing themselves in front of horses, so they could have a chance to vote. Less than 100 years later and somehow we take that right for granted! 

I've heard all the excuses of course:

•  "I don't understand politics so I don't get involved."
• "One person's vote isn't going to make a difference."
• "It's not going to affect me anyway so why should I bother?"

The fact of the matter is , if you don't understand politics, enough to make a decision, it's time to educate yourself! I'm not asking you to go out and get a degree in politics, I'm not asking you to do anything that's particularly taxing at all. I'm saying talk to people, listen to the ones that DO understand politics, read manifestos, ask questions- get educated! 

"One person" is never just one person! There are probably 1000s of people thinking exactly the same thing, and let me tell you 1000 votes could be all the difference. Never think that you can't make a difference because you are just one person-bees are freaking tiny but without them we'd all be fucked! 

Now as for the last one...I want to say if you fall into this category then kindly take your "I'm alright Jack!" attitude and bibbidy bobbity back the fuck up off my page please take a second to think about how selfish that sounds- here I'll help:

"I'm alright none of this affects me so I don't mind if school children have to go without food at lunchtime."

"I'm alright so it doesn't matter to me that disabled people are having to crowdfund the very things they need to make their lives just bearable."

"I'm alright so why should I care about the fact that that lovely nurse that kept granny company, in her final moments, has to use a food bank to feed herself and her family?"

I could go on and on, but I wont. Instead I'll remind you that the world can turn on a dime- what is your normal today could change in an instant.

Between the last election and this one I have gone from being a perfectly "alright" healthy 20-something, to someone who attends the hospital a minimum of 8 times a month, takes around 22 pills a day, and can't wash her own hair, hold a pen, or walk to the end of her street without a considerable amount of pain. 

I was "alright" then but hundreds of thousands of people weren't, so I voted for them. Is it unfair of me to ask for the same common courtesy?

I don't intend to use this post to tell you who to vote for-only you can make that decision-although I think it's quite obvious who's box I wont be crossing when I get to the polls. I just want to remind you that it is so important to exercise your rights, please please don't waste your chance.

It's Only Words...

It's Only Words...

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

I recently shared my word for 2017 on Instagram and the response showed me something- words still have most of the power in my life, and I'm okay with that.

I didn't realise that by simply deciding on one word that I was going to touch on, whenever my determination wavered, that I was actually renewing the motivation I have within myself. I don't even think that it's important what word I picked (or what word you pick if you choose to) what's important is what the word represents, what power I give it, and that it means something to me.

Five Things I Wish We Could Leave in 2016

Five Things I Wish We Could Leave in 2016

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Well it's been a pretty shitty year hasn't it!?!

2016 shall forever be remembered as the year all the legends went home, people collectively lost their damn minds (all around the world), and everybody just couldn't wait for it to be over. So I've got a really happy favourites from 2016 post coming asap but first I want to share with you all the things I wish we could just leave in 2016, if you please.

A Rant About Regeneration

A Rant About Regeneration

Monday, September 19, 2016

Hi there!

As the title suggests this post is one of my world famous rants* so I might sound like I'm rambling for a bit BUT I promise you it is going somewhere, I do have a point, and it IS important! Okay, now we have that out of the way...

I don't know about you but I am sick to death of seeing the effect that the recession has had on our cities and towns! High streets that used to bustle, are reduced to long grey strips of concrete littered with bookies and poundshops, department stores that seemed like grand old dames watching the place crumble around them are now being sucked into the abyss, and in their place is another chain restaurant that probably wont last. Green Spaces- once home to day drinkers, sunbathers, couples in love, squealing children and yapping dogs, have become shady den of iniquities  strewn with needles and used condoms and the hopes of people that remember the good old days!

29 Things that Make me Feel Proud

29 Things that Make me Feel Proud

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Bucket Lists are a huge business! Almost everyone I know has one, whether it's written down or just a mental plan for things to do, and "bucket list" has become part of our everyday vernacular. In fact, mine is here if you want to read it, but today I'm doing one with a twist.  

The One Where I Tell you Where to Stick your Meme

The One Where I Tell you Where to Stick your Meme

Saturday, May 21, 2016

I have many pet hates, so many in fact that one of my most popular posts is 17 Things that Really Piss Me Off, but one of my most rage inducing pet hates has to be people masquerading as open -minded when in actually they are just Judgy Mcjudgersons!!

There are so many examples that I would literally never be finished writing this post so I'm just going to focus on the one that pissed me off today, enough to write this post. 

I'm sure you've probably all seen the memes going around which basically tell people to be someone the creator believes is a better human than someone like the Kardashian's. 

Like this one...

The Past Is Gone, The Future Yet Unborn But Right Here And Now Is Where It All Goes On

The Past Is Gone, The Future Yet Unborn But Right Here And Now Is Where It All Goes On

Saturday, April 02, 2016

Hello there!  So I'm sitting here having just rubbed a copious amount of Vicks Vaporub into my own chest which has resulted in three thoughts: 1) Doing this to yourself is way less sexy than letting someone else do it-I can't be the only one that finds this sexy!! 2) I may have put too much on and now my eyes are watering, and 3) I love my new boobs!!  Wait that sounded confusing, to clarify I have not had a boob job (although I absolutely would if I could afford it) what has happened though is I have gained a ton of weight and with it I have become the proud new owner of a mighty fine pair of mammaries. Can you say upside?!? Ha. Which leads us kinda smoothly into this, IT'S LIFE UPDATE TIME!! 

Hi. Sorry about my make-up free face and dour expression but this is the only photo I had that matched the post.lol. 

If you know me in real life, or follow me on Twitter, you will know that I've been dealing with a LOT of health issues for over a year now, These have probably contributed to the aforementioned weight gain (although I can't take all of the blame away from chocolate and wine), but more than that they have contributed to a less positive AJ. I know I am always going on about positivity and ra-ra-ciss-boom-ba cheerleader stuff but lately I've noticed I've been moaning most of the time, and for that I can only apologise. So please bare with me while I grump and gripe my way through this challenge, I promise it will get better.  Anyway, I'm in pain, a lot of pain in fact. I have tried a thousand times to explain just how much pain, and I always come up short. Sometimes I feel like I've run a marathon, sometimes I feel like I've been hit by a bus, and sometimes I wake up and I feel like I've been hit by a bus and then got up and ran a marathon...on these days I crawl, lie down, and my poor husband runs after me like a blue-arsed fly. My muscles are either dull and achy, or crampy and heavy, or in fire, or swollen. My skin is permanently itchy and hot, my headaches are one bright light away from developing into a full-blown migraine, and I am permanently nauseated. It is hard, really hard. It doesn't help that Doctors didn't give a shit and pawned me off with meds that did nothing...until last month!  Last month I had a horrible experience, my doctor's surgery refused to see me because they decided I wasn't entitled to an on the day appointment. I was informed that I should have booked an appointment ONE MONTH in advance to be sure I'd be seen. I asked for my repeat prescription and was told I can't issue it without seeing you, but no I won't see you today-I can get you an appointment for TWO WEEKS time. I'm not going to lie I got off that phone quicker than you can shout "fuck you, you inconsiderate bitch" and promptly burst into tears. Then I did the best thing ever...I quit my surgery and joined a new one.  Within one week I had had a full examination, my new doctor had listened to all my symptoms and took a copy of my notes (I keep very thorough symptom notes). I had bloods taken and a possible diagnosis. However when my bloods came back it became apparent that I probably didn't have what she initially thought it could be and we were stumped again. But because my new doctor is so great she picked up from my symptom list and tried again which takes us to now.  Now I am on the waiting list for an appointment with the neurology department, and I have been referred for an MRI. It is so refreshing having a caregiver who actually seems to, not just believe me but actually care, about what I'm going through.  So that's where I am. I'm in pain, I feel sick, and I'm depressed as all hell, BUT I can see the light.  Hopefully, I won't let much more of my negativity seep into my outpourings but if I do please call me out on it!  And that's about it! Sorry if this has made little sense but I'm just writing as I think so...stream of consciousness high five? Any recommendations for pain relief, or how to not let the pain get me down, are greatly appreciated :-) xxx

17 Things That Really Piss Me Off

17 Things That Really Piss Me Off

Friday, July 17, 2015

I'd like to first say that, contrary to popular belief, I am a NICE person! I may have resting bitch face, I may have a sharp tongue, and I may cut you out of my life if you break the cardinal rules of friendship, but all in all I'm actually lovely!
I am loyal, caring, helpful, kind and funny as fuck- ask my friends they'll agree (I hope). So please bear all this in mind whilst I get a little negative up in here.

Disclaimer: While everything I am about to write is true, they have been written with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek!

So here we go: THINGS THAT REALLY GET MY GOAT!!

1) Drivers that don't fucking indicate! I mean seriously how hard is it to flick that little switch to let other people know whether you are going straight ahead, or turning a corner! It's common courtesy, not to mention a pretty big part of safe driving practice! But by all means carry on breaking the law, and maybe one day your negligence will lead you to needing a lawyer...that's called karma!

2) People that stop dead in front of you when you are walking. Like PLEASE have some consideration for the other people around you. The Zombie apocalypse has not yet happened, you are not alone in this world.

3) People that walk side by side on narrow pavements. Rude, selfish and just plain annoying! I get it you want to walk alongside your friend/partner/whatever BUT do you know what I want? I want to not have to walk on the freaking ROAD! For the love of all that is holy just walk single file if the pavement is narrow!!

4) Anybody that ignores basic instructions that are there for their comfort and safety!! If it says don't leave luggage in the vestibule area and you hear "please stick your five large suitcases in the vestibule right in front of the exit/entrance instead of putting them in the rack built for that very purpose" then you sir/madam are a cunt!

5) People that ask you in the most patronising voice ever "so do you like your job?"- make no mistake that what these people (just the patronising ones) mean is "how could you possibly be happy in your job, it's so not what I would consider a real job. Are you some kind of uneducated simpleton?"

6) People that legitimately use the term "real job"! Sod off'

7) The "Real women have Real Bodies" thing! I don't know what to call it, is it a movement, and ethos, or the biggest crock of shit you've ever heard? I'm inclined to think it's the last one! Let me break it down for you...are you female? Do you have organs? Do you have a head? Is everything held together by a skeleton and muscle and skin?? If so, YOU ARE A REAL WOMAN! Are you slightly plump? A bit on the thin side? Fat, short, tall, athletic...blah, blah, blah? Yup, still a REAL WOMAN. So fuck you, everyone who has ever said "real women  have real bodies" or any variation.

8) So called feminists that give the rest of us a bad name! Or the ones who look down on you if your actions and decisions are different to their own. Feminism to me means equality for BOTH sexes. It means that I should be able to make my own decisions, about my own life without any man, woman or militant group dictating how I or any other PERSON on this planet lives. If I want to wear a nice dress, a sky-skimming pair of heels, a a bright red lippy- I will! Because I am not doing it for men, I'm not doing it because the magazines (run by mysoginistic bastard men) told me to, I do it because it makes me feel fierce as fuck! And if a woman can't be fierce as fuck in 2015 then I fear there is no hope for the future.

9) Beyoncé- don't get it, nope, NEXT!

10) People that stop talking in the middle of a sentence! If you haven't decided what it is you actually want to say keep your mouth shut for a few more seconds. Obviously if you have a stammer or whatever you are exempt from this Goat-getting rant!

11) White Chocolate! It's just fat folks, there is literally next to no (if not just completely, no) cocoa in there. It should be against trading standards law for it to even be called chocolate.

12) People that think they can just rock up and stroke my hair! Like FUCK OFF! I don't walk up to you and start stroking you if I admire your skirt. I wouldn't runs my fingers across your lips if I noticed you were rocking Giambatista for MAC ( I mean I'd probably high five the shit out of you for being awesome, but I wouldn't touch your face) and I definitely wouldn't put my hands on your hair! Do you know how many dirt particles your hands pick up during the day? Do you know how when you constantly touch your own hair it can make it greasy? You do know all these things? Right, then why on earth do you think I'd be happy that you are running your little grease mitts through my fucking hair? I love it that my hair intrigues you, I get it that you just can't believe it's naturally this long and this thick...but in the future, tell me, don't touch me!

13) Ignorant people, bigots, hate preachers, liars! All complete arseholes!

14) Those twats who follow you on Twitter, wait for you to follow back and then immediately unfollow! Stop being a twat. If this is how you built up your followers count then it's pretty false and pretty sad. Also, those automated DM's people send when you follow them? Fuck off with that bullshit.

15) Emails addressed to LoveandOAS! If you read my blog and want to get in touch please take a second to learn my name...it's literally all over this blog! In the same vein if I tell you my name is Amanda-Jaied, call me Amanda-Jaied not Amanda. It's like me calling you Step if your name is Stephanie.

16) People with no luggage who queue up for the wide access gates in train stations, when there are loads of available normal gates. What even is this? Are they really that lazy they can't walk the two feet to the left!

17) People who refuse to dress up for fancy dress parties! You are not cool, you are not being ironic you are just a boring twat!!

Hope you enjoyed my little list, and I'm sure you even agree with some of these. Why not sound off on some of the things that annoy you in the comments.

Much Love
AJ
xx

Disclaimer: this post contains some sponsored content but as always is all completely my own brand of tongue and cheek honesty. 

The Monthly Rant // Gender Stereotyping // Angry Blogger

The Monthly Rant // Gender Stereotyping // Angry Blogger

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Every now and again I like to have a good old rant! Who doesn't, right? Ranting allows us to take all those minor irritations that build up, each and every day, and throw them away. Granted when I through away my irritations they almost always land on the blog, but that's what it's here for right!

So what am I ranting about today? Gender-bloody-bias!

I've always had an issue with the whole gender-specific theme that runs through our society- in fact when I was younger and got treated to a Happy Meal, I would always ask for the Hot Wheels toy instead of Polly Pocket! At that young age I was already outraged by that little girls automatically got given tiny (swallowable) dolls that didn't do anything, whilst the boys were given a bloody racecar- where's the fairness in that??

This sense of injustice never got any better as I got older- now I know some of you are thinking "Oh you were just a bit of a tomboy" but I truly wasn't! I loved being the pretty girl, with the long blonde curls, and a face full of make-up. I enjoyed trotting off to ballet classes, going ice skating, attending theatre groups and singing Whitney at the top of my voice (all things which are, annoyingly 'traditionally' feminine past-times) but you better believe that I wanted to fight this theory of gender bias at every opportunity.

Sorry about the dodgy quality but this photo was taken in 1992!!!

I think that photo illustrates my point about me being a girly girl ^^^. I don't have many photos of me from my teen years because quite honestly I hated my face, hair, body etc and avoided cameras like the plague! But believe me, it was all sparkly dresses, butterfly tops (stolen from my sister) and pink cowboy hats to under 18s discos at the local nightclub.
We've got the point now right? I wasn't a tomboy I just didn't believe I should have or do something just because I was born with two X chromosomes!

When it was time to buy new ice skates, all my girlfriends went out and bought pretty white figure skates, with swirly pink blade guards, whereas I, in a spoilt manner I can only apologise to my parents for, demanded CCM 52s like the professional hockey players wore! When it came to choosing subjects at high school the first elective I chose was graphic communication because someone automatically suggested home economics! I don't know who exactly I was fighting against, but fighting I was.

I'd done such a good job of making choices that made me happy for me, and not made me happy because I had boobs (which in all fairness I really didn't) that I made it all the way to University before this particular bullshit issue reared its ugly head again- so I'm fighting back now!

Here comes the stream of rantiness...

Shrink it a Pink it? Bullshit! Lady Geek? What about a revolutionary idea of just GEEK?Technology, science & all things geeky should not be marketed to men and boys, they should be marketed to anybody with an inquiring mind!

Women do not need their own special pen! We are not weak wristed, gentle fingered, fainting prone, problems for society to solve. We are strong, ballsy, unique humans, born to innovate- just like men!!

If I want to surprise my husband, by shooting him in the back of the head with a foam projectile, I'll do it with my 6-cartridge NERF gun, and not a purple and pink version with a smaller design.

If I decide to wear a football shirt, down the pub, to watch Liverpool kick Manchester United's ass, I will do so, whilst drinking a pint of Carling!  This doesn't make me a "dyke" as more than one guy had proclaimed in the past, it simply means that I wanted to wear my team colours while having a bloody drink!!

If my husband wants to use a face scrub and wear a pink shirt he should bloody well be able to, without being called a "faggot" (which by the way is a fucking horrible word!)

 If I want to sing Meatloaf at karaoke I'm going to, and I'll probably be followed by Damian and Nico and their epic rendition of Barbie Girl...because gender stereotypes be damned!!

I hope by now you'll all be nodding along in agreement, but it appears that the toy companies, magazines, and clothes manufacturers just aren't getting it!

Where are the woman football players in 4-4-2 magazine? Why aren't things like the Women's World Cup covered in the sports pages? Where are the men's beauty and skincare products in Boots magazine- or any magazine that isn't FHM or GQ, for that matter? Where are the fast as fuck, beautifully built cars in the likes of Cosmo or Glamour? Why should I have to buy 5 different magazines a month just to see everything that interests me? Is it any wonder more of us are turning to blogs to get our fix? AND why the fuck are there still products on the shelves like, Stickers for Girls and Stickers for Boys?

I can't be the only one that this bothers? As we embark on our journey of starting a family, this issue is once again at the forefront of my mind, and you bet your ass our children will be raised in a gender neutral environment. Now don't get me wrong, if my daughter wants to dress up as a princess and cover herself in glitter she will be allowed, but at the same time if we have a son and he wakes up one day and decides he wants to be princess then he will be allowed to too!

This whole article has reminded me of that old poem, we all surely heard as children-

"1. What are little boys made of? 

What are little boys made of? 

Slugs and snails and puppy-dog's tails, 

And that are little boys made of. 

2. What are little girls made of? 

What are little girls made of? 

Sugar and spice and all that's nice, 

And that are little girls made of. 

3. What are young men made of? 

What are young men made of? 

Sighs and leers, and crocodile tears, 

And that are young men made of. 

4. What are young women made of? 

What are young women made of? 

Ribbons and laces, and sweet pretty faces, 

And that are young women made of."

- Baby's Opera by Walter Crane

Sounds like this is what society is still basing gender preference on? This was written in 1877- have things really not changed since then??

Does this annoy you as much as it does me? Or do you disagree with me? I'd love to hear your opinions in the comments. 

And remember I'm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Bloglovin so come join me :-).

Much Love

AJ 

xx

Making Unthinkable anti-feminist choices!

Making Unthinkable anti-feminist choices!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Now I have a bit of a reputation for being a bit "ranty" but what other people call ranty I like to define as passionate! I could go on a rant about the use of the word "ranty" itself, I could point out that much like it's cousins "bossy" and "bitchy" it is most often used to refer to a woman. I could point out that it is the type of word that belittles the entire point of an impassioned speech or viewpoint, and I could point out that it is just a bloody stupid word, but that's not what this post is about. This post is about something that came to my attention yesterday, something that truly annoyed me and made me want to fight my corner, and the corner of those who may not have a platform to fight their own. Today's post is about a response to an "article" written by one Polly Hudson in The Mirror newspaper...read it here if you wish

Now as you probably know I am getting married this year, in 19 days actually (exciting stuff!!) and apparently one decision I have taken in the lead up to my marriage is shockingly sexist and very anti-feminist of me! Yes dear readers I am taking my husband's surname! Not that shocking right? I would hope it wasn't that shocking, in fact the thought of my decision being anything other than completely natural bemuses me. But Polly Hudson seems to think that I am less of a feminist for making this decision, she seems to think that I haven't thought it through and that in fact my whole wedding is just a lesson in bowing to patriarchal ideals left over from a bygone age. And in response I couldn't help but ask "Is she for real?". 

Ms Hudson assumes that all of us brides that are taking our husbands' name are just doing it blindly without a second thought, because it is the done thing. She also calls it basically medieval, I wonder where she studied History because if that's her takeaway from Medieval studies I'd be worried she wasn't getting a well rounded education. 

I can't speak for all brides but I can assure you that there was A LOT of discussion around this name change issue, I was worried my family name would disappear if I didn't carry it on, but there are many many more cousins who can further our family name, so why should the task fall to me? I was also worried that I would lose my identity if I gave away my name so easily, and then I remembered that our identities are tied up in what we consume, what we believe and who we are, NOT what name we write on documents.  We discussed a double barrel compromise but come on Amanda-Jaied McCahery-Wathern is just bloody ridiculous!! But in the end the decision to become Amanda-Jaied Wathern was simple, I'm not taking my husband's name to bow down to him as my superior, I am not taking my husband's name because he said I had to, I am taking my husband's name because I want to! I want the world to know that I am married to that gentleman that just held the door open for me, I want the world to know that the happy guy that just made me piss myself laughing over something only we find funny is mine forever, I want to get that warm fuzzy feeling every time I write my new name and remember that a great man loves me enough to want to put up with me forever, and finally I want me, my husband and our children to be one unit, with one shared surname. This does not make me a bad feminist, this does not make me a dipsy woman that doesn't understand the choices I make in life, this simply makes me an ecstatically happy, future Mrs Wathern.

I think Polly Hudson should remember that feminism is not about bashing men, and fighting them every step of the way but instead it should be about giving women the freedom to make any choice that may impact on their lives. By writing a piece that belittles these choices and tries to make us feel bad for making them she is showing herself to be one of the worst kinds of feminists...the kind that believes that only her choice is the choice other feminists should be making. 

And one final thing she should probably think about is, if someone, somewhere along her family line hadn't done the unthinkable and taken their husband's name she wouldn't be the Polly HUDSON we are responding to today.