Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts

If it Makes you Happy, It Can't be That Bad

Wednesday, March 02, 2016

Hi guys

Sometimes I think we take the nice things that happen to us for granted. We are all too busy grumbling about the littlest things. Like, is it really a big deal if your train is a few minutes late in the morning? Is it worth getting upset if some idiot is paying too much attention to their phone and stops dead in front of you? Yes these things are annoying but they are minor in the grand scheme of things, so why not try taking a deep breath and think about the good stuff!! Here are some of the things that make me smile...


1) Waking up without an alarm, and knowing the day is all mine.

2) People who remember manners cost nothing!

3) Talking to a child that has clearly been brought up really well

4) The view across the Firth of Forth when the sun shines on the Leith coast.

5) When my eyebrows are on fleek! I mean I still don't actually know what fleek means, but I know it's a good thing!

6) A morning kiss on the head from my husband while he creeps around trying not to wake me up.

7) A LARGE glass of White Zinfandel (Californian) after a looooong day at work.

8) Champagne lunches with my girl Fiona!

9) When other people acknowledge our Angel.

10) When I randomly remember funny things friend's have said- sometimes even months later.

11) The smell of a really good candle! I'm looking at you Cotton Candy and Mango Peach Salsa!

12) Tangled

13) Winning a teddy from a claw machine at the fairground

14) Completing a particularly tasking DIY project.

15) When my daddy calls me "toots" or "baby-girl", even though I'm a 28 year old married woman!!

16) Spending a whole day just "being" with Damian.

17) Taking my hair down after a day at work.

Find anything that makes you smile in amongst my happy things? What makes you happy, and where does your mind go when you are met with particularly obnoxious people? You know what to do...comment below or come twitter with me (that's another thing that makes me particularly happy).

Why I LOVE my body!

Saturday, February 06, 2016

Whoa hold on now is AJ about to be super vain and ramble on about her succulent curves, banging boobies, and ever-lasting legs??? Well no, no she is not. I mean don't get me wrong all of these things are true *not even a humble brag* but that's not what this is about, this is about so much more. 
I am a pretty avid Twitter user and one thing I've noticed is that whilst we build up our friends and followers' self-esteem, we are bloody horrible to ourselves!! We hate this, we detest that, our lives would be so much better if our stomachs were flat (didn't mean to rhyme but fuck it, it works!)...it's bollocks! 
I for one have had enough of being mean to the one thing I really have in this world. When all is said and done your body is the only thing that follows you to your grave, so can we all, maybe, start being a little nicer to them??
Now little plot twist here, my body is riddled with illness, I'm in constant pain, some days I can't even walk, and I have skin so dry that heavy duty moisturisers do nothing but cause a reaction because my skin rejects any form of moisture...yet putting all this aside I have learned to love the body I have, and to stop mourning the body I had when I was 24 (I would have said 18 but I was actually in the best shape of my life at 24).
24 YEAR OLD AJ-FIT AS FUCK BUT NOT A BIG BODY FAN :-/
So why do I love my body?
1) My body fights the good fight every day. My body refuses to let pain stop me from being me, and it works tirelessly to let me get on with things. Sure sometimes it fails, and I have days where getting up off the couch is impossible but I won't hold that against it because it bloody tries!!
2) My body is missing bits, it has marks and scratches, scars and lesions all over it. It isn't pretty and for a while I tried to hide every red or white line and then I realised "fuck! I'm a real life Sally Nightshade" my body's been torn apart and put back together again more times than I can count, and it's STILL going" and that's amazing.
3) My body has held life inside it! My body worked hard to harvest a comfortable place for another soul to thrive. Yes, I didn't carry to term BUT in response to miscarriage my body laboured, my body contracted and it birthed. It was agony and it was hell but my body knew what to do even when I didn't, and it protected me as best it could.
4) My body has been battered and bruised, starved and force-fed, broken and used, and EACH AND EVERY TIME it has picked itself up, dusted itself off, raised a middle finger to those who wronged it, and just mother- fucking healed the shit out of itself right before my eyes.
So yeah, I love my body! My body is a badass-oh and my body doesn't care what I put on it, my body doesn't care if I haven't shaved my legs, or if my eyebrows aren't "on-fleek", or even if it's dressed in the latest designer clothing. I mean my brain does, but my body is just walking around going "bitch please I'm fucking magical and science-y!"
Do you guys think it's about time we gave our bodies a little more credit? What is your favourite thing about your body? Come chat to me on Twitter. 
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Living With...Anxiety

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Hi dolls,

I have 3 different notebooks lying around me right now, all 3 have lists, ideas, first drafts, second drafts, and scribbles all over them. All 3 are my blog post notebooks and not one has a finished post inside!
At the start of December, I relaunched and I was finally happy with my design and layout (and I still am, I really totally do love it) I had so many plans, and I couldn't wait to get writing and publishing, but every single time I sat down to write I failed to finish a single fucking paragraph!!!

NEWSFLASH!!!

In a stunning twist, it's not even that old cow Writer's Block that is stopping me. Nope, this time, it's this new bitch in town- Anxiety!

I know, I know, "Anxiety" is a word bandied about the Twittersphere like a badge of honour nowadays- but bitches be crazy if they think it's some cool new accessory. Anxiety can't be taken off and put on a shelf next to your marble vinyl paper and blog props, until the next time you want to be "just like Zoella"! I could tell you what anxiety actually is BUT it's different for everyone, and everybody has a different way of explaining it to others- here is my way...

Things My Anxiety has told Me This Year

 (in this scenario my anxiety is a skinny blonde bitch, that looks a little like my school bully)


  • Bitch do you really think you're funny? Chlamydia gets more laughs!
  • Why bother writing it? Literally nobody gives a shit! 
  • Your friends legit think you are a total bitch-say nice things to keep them around- for now!
  • Why would Damian love you? You are a mean, narky, temperamental cow!
  • Oh, and BTW you should not be wearing those jeans...can you say thunder thighs? Fat bitch!
  • Yup, that guy is definitely going to kill you. He's not really heading to work, he's got a cellar where he's going to chop you up into little pieces. 
  • Seriously EVERYBODY is looking at you- I bet it's because of that ugly scar on your nose- that guy (on the other side of the road) he sees it and he is disgusted.
  • You know you're getting old right? 
  • You're NEVER going to be a mum.
  • You'd be a shit mum anyway!
  • Although you couldn't be any worse than you are at being a wife.
  • This lift is going to break down, nobody is going to care enough to look for you, you are going to have a panic attack and die in this metal and glass coffin.
  • Just stop trying- it's pathetic.
  • Why would they promote you?
  • That person behind you IS going to kidnap you- for real.
  • Nobody is going to pay the ransom.
  • You looked shit on your wedding day.
  • You look shit today too, and tomorrow probably.
  • Your husband is repulsed by your skin and scars.
  • He legit doesn't find you attractive.
  • If you eat that you WILL choke and die.
  • That pain IS a heart attack- you are going to die right here.
  • You're going to get sacked any day now because you're shit at your job as well as everything else.
  • If you go to sleep I'm going to give you that nightmare again.
  • If you go to sleep I'm going to make you miss your alarm. miss work, and lose your job.
  • If you go to sleep you are NEVER going to wake up.
  • He sleeps better without you there anyway.
  • It's cancer/fibromyalgia//MS/other horrible illness
  • You think you've got style? You look like a hippo that shops in trash cans.
  • Why bother moving today.
  • Why bother blogging? Shut it all down.
  • Why bother doing anything?
I could go on and on but this is already longer than I planned so I'll stop here with the things anxiety has told me this month. I know most of these things seem irrational (except maybe the not being funny thing) but in the moment I believe them all, and that is why I've decided 2016 is going to be the year that I defeat this stupid blonde bitch!- Wish me luck!!

Thanks for reading, and please have a gentle new year.

Much Love
AJ
xx